Speaking Up & Letting Go

About a month or so ago, the stars perfectly aligned themselves in my favor. It's such a magical experience when that happens but there is also a source of very powerful energy that comes along with that "alignment" which can often leave us feeling either extra charged or overly drained.

I won't get into the personal details because they really aren't the point of this blog but I will say that at the age of thirteen someone (who should have known better)with selfish intentions, assisted in creating an ugly divide between my family.This hurt has been a fairly constant source of insecurity,disconnect and distrust for the last twenty-one years.This came at a time when(as we can all attest)life was strange and complicated enough without extra disruption.Anyway...I still deal with the ramifications concerning one half of the party but in regard to the other half, it's been a festering wound that,even with years of inattention, never really had a chance to heal.And that was because I had something to say...something to let go of...but had been suppressing my voice all these years.

For all of this time I'd been thinking of all the things I'd say ( or do!) to this person, if I ever had the chance to meet them (because although this person had such in influence during my formative years,I'd never actually met them in person.)I'd seen one photograph....briefly....maybe eighteen years ago.I knew a name and had a foggy memory of a face...and that was it.

So....a couple of months ago, I was at the bank and as I stood in line, I had this overwhelming feeling that "this person" was right next to me. You can ask me how I knew but I wouldn't be able to explain it to you. It was just a feeling..or more than a feeling really. My heart began to race and my body filled with adrenaline.Maybe this was my chance to say what I needed to say...maybe I could finally close that chapter!Still...I didn't know if the timing would work....would I have to run after her?(because I didn't want to do that.)Or...would it happen organically...would it unfold in a perfectly natural way(because that's what I hoped for.)

It did.

We left the building simultaneously. She even held the door open for me. I thanked her and let her know that she seemed familiar to me...and what was her name? Yep.....confirmed. I then asked her if I looked familiar to her as well.

That's when I dropped the bomb. It was poetic and it felt amazing.I wasn't unkind but I was honest, direct and unapologetic. Yet.....somehow a small part of me felt bad for her. I felt bad that she may not be the person she used to be and maybe didn't deserve this "bomb"....maybe too much time had gone by. I let a little bit of that negativity and unsureness creep back in. Damn it.

I've since let that go. I'm ok with it. I was obviously given this very precious moment and opportunity to use my voice to help myself heal.This person had escaped me for all these years as it was.....and honestly...she was lucky to have met me at this point in my life...not during my earlier angst-filled years with a boiling point that was harder to keep in check.

I realize that this particular blog is very "coded" but I hope that what you,as a reader,might take from this...if anything...is that if you have a "beef" with someone,it's perfectly OK to say what's on your mind....even if "they" might think you're a Bitch in doing so....IF:

A.You are honest.
B.You are not intentionally hurtful.
C.You are passionate and believe in what you are about to say and are able to defend your point of view if needed.
D.You are willing to deal with any consequences that may arise from speaking your mind.

It's emotionally and physically freeing to stop holding on to the negative. This is something most of us already know but need ( or atleast I do) constant reminding of. We,literally, store that energy throughout our body which,in turn,DOES manifest into physical ailments and mental blockages.I like to think of the positive and negative energy that we give to and receive from others as a sort of weight(we can feel heavier or lighter when it increases or decreases.)I also think of it in terms of being specific to the giver and/or taker.For instance, say a friend is overly ruthless or cruel to you for no apparent reason, I believe her "energy scale" may be tipped or unbalanced(overly weighted with negative energy.)That excess of negative energy may have been "given" to them by someone else or it may have been self created. Either way...they needed to rid themselves of it and you may have been the unlucky person to step into what they dropped that day.I believe in Psych terms, this is called "displaced" anger and she really should have dealt with what or who originally created that inbalance instead of unloading on you.Back to being specific,you were not the one deserving of your friend's frustration but now you (unless you have a really great system of blocking other's negative energy)are carrying a tiny bit of her load. Be direct and let your friend know that you didn't deserve that negative energy (remember that old request:"take it back!")or find a healthy way to release and let it go.

I think it's important that whenever we can, we should openly give that energy back to the original giver (if there ever was one)because they have been operating on a deficit ever since the moment they gave it to you. The energy that you give back doesn't have to be negative...it could just be direct and honest. Heck...you could even see what happens if you,instead, blast them with a good dose of straight up positive energy.I realize that all of this could be looked at several ways and, if one's not choosy in picking their battles,could really create a domino effect of finger pointing,blaming and boo-hooing but I'm not talking about the little stuff...I'm talking about the really important stuff.Speaking up and taking action on the stuff that REALLY matters.The stuff that throws you off your axis and really out of your natural balance.And remember,once you've finally let go of that negative thing, be sure to fatten yourself up with loads and loads of positive and spread it around like a bad cold!

My final point is...simply...that if you have something important to say to someone....and if you are lucky, or fortunate, or blessed enough to have the stars align for you like I did that day, take that as a sign and follow your heart. DON'T keep it inside! Gather up your courage...speak your mind.

Let it go.

Flower Power! ( Part 1: Calendula )

Today I'd like to introduce you( if you don't already know her) to a beautiful flower named Calendula! Calendula Officinalis from the Asteraceae family (or daisy family.) This flower is also sometimes called Pot Marigold but not to be confused with the Marigold one uses as garden decor....the kind that are low growing with big, round heads and dark green, toothy edged leaves.The word Calens is Roman for "the first day of the every month" which is when this flower blooms....all the time....all through summer! Every day I have new blossoms in my garden and it can be tricky to keep up with the harvest.


It's likely that you've seen this flower before, even if you're unsure. They resemble tiny sunflowers and can grow as high as 2ft or so. They have light green leaves that are thickish and waxy feeling and sometimes have a wavy edge. What I find really distinguishing about Calendula is the smell. This plant is FULL of resins so when you gently rub the leaves or squeeze the blossom, your fingers will be sticky with a resinous and slightly camphorous smell. I LOVE this smell....I think it's divine but it's not your typical "flowery" smell. Calendula flowers are both orange and yellow but it is said that the orange flowers make the best medicine.
I have always loved the color orange. It just brings to mind vibrancy and abundance and happiness and love....well...atleast for me! It also happens to be the color of our second chakra (our Sacral chakra.)Chakra colors correlate with the colors of the rainbow ( remember ROY G.BIV?)and start at our root and work up to our crown (to learn more about chakras,read here .) Our second chakra resides just below the naval and is home for our reproductive organs. One of the MANY uses for Calendula is to offer relief with menstrual cramping and general PMS discomfort as well as other female troubles like various STD's, yeast infections and more.
Most often, Calendula is thought of as an excellent skin remedy. Is is so safe, effective and gentle that it is often used on babies to treat diaper rash. Because it is a vulnerary(wound healing),anti-infective,antiseptic, anti-inflammatory and antifungal it makes an excellent all around skin salve or spray. I've been using it to treat a belly rash on my dog recently and he is mostly cleared up ( this is after having tried several creams,shots,pills,shampoos etc. from the Vet.) I also use it on my own skin to clear up eczema trouble spots. It is extremely useful in treating most types of superficial skin wounds....even bruises... and also fights against the Herpes virus which includes shingles and chicken pox.) Herbalist, Douglas Schar, in his book The Backyard Medicine Chest states about Calendula:

"The fact that old medical herbals tend to contain some magical uses tends to put many people off herbalism.It shouldn't. human beings have always sought to explain the inexplicable.In the 1600's, Calendula's power to heal was put down to magic; today we say that chemicals contained in the plant stimulate health in the skin. Whatever the age, it is human nature to seek rationalizations for processes that cannot be seen. You apply Calendula Creme to crappy skin, and several weeks later it looks and feels better. How you choose to explain this phenomenon doesn't really matter, as long as you note what Calendula can do for the skin."

See the thing is, I believe in both. I believe in both the magic and science of why herbs work. I have used herbs in both ways. I think that Science is Magickal and that Magick can be Scientific. Whichever way you choose to look at it, it's amazing.But incase you want to know, Calendula contains: essential oil, flavonol glycosides, saponins, triterpene alcohols, sterols, carotenes, xanthophylls, polysaccharides, tannins,fat,resin,sugar potassium chloride, potassium sulfate, sodium, bassora gum...just to name a few!
Calendula is also a well known lymphatic and is used internally to treat and invigorate a sluggish lymph system or to treat swollen glands in the neck or body.And because it is an anti-fungal it can also be used internally to treat Candidida and Thrush. Calendula has also been used, in a combination with other herbs, to treat cancer. Wow!
You might be wondering at this point how to actually use this amazing flower.

For Salve: used topically ( and this is just my recipe...there are other ways I'm sure)

First pick a handful of bright orange Calendula flowers. Try to pick them in the afternoon sun so that the resins are nice and sticky.Try not to pick in the rain...you don't need the extra water(water=mold!) You can include the whole top of the flower, the bract and small part of stem attached. Add them to a glass or enamel pot and just cover with either extra virgin olive oil or organic coconut oil ( or a combo of both.) Cook on very,very low heat until flowers are crispy but not burnt. The crispiness ensures that all moisture(water) has been cooked out so that you don't get mold. Carefully strain into a jar or bowl and compost the leftover material.If you've only used olive oil, this could be a quick way of making Calendula oil (which is very expensive to buy in health food stores!) If you've used coconut oil in your recipe you'll want to go ahead and make a salve as the coconut oil will harden as temperatures go down. Go ahead and pour the oil back into the (wiped out) pot and set temp to low. Slowly add in grated beeswax. How much beeswax you use really depends on the consistency you want your salve. Start out with a tablespoon or so but plan on adding more after you do the "cold-spoon-consistency-test" which is what we've used in my herbal medicine course. Before you start the salve, put a spoon in the freezer. Periodically dip the spoon in your warm mixture and let it sit for a minute or so then check the consistency of what's hardened on the spoon. Too soft? Add more beeswax. Too hard....well...oops! I suppose if that happened you could add a tiny bit of olive oil or coconut oil back in. When you've finished, pour into clean, salve-sized containers. Have atleast a couple ready...you may have enough for friends too!Label and date your container. As you learn more about herbs, you can add different healing herbs and essential oils to your salve. You don't have to refrigerate your salve but doing so could prolong it's shelf life. It should last you for a year at least but if you see any mold, it's time to discard. Remember to always use a clean finger to dip into your salve. You don't want any nasties getting in there!

Now for the tincture:



Fill a jar, to the top, with fresh Calendula flowers. Cover in the highest proof vodka you can get. Place it in a dark place for several weeks. Shake daily (think of your "shaking" time as meditative, put love and intention and positive energy into your medicine while you do this...it WILL make a difference.) Finally, strain into a glass jar using an unbleached coffee filter. It should be a nice,golden color.Make sure you label and date and,if you like, you can go ahead and pour into a glass spray bottle to use as a sort of bactine for boo boos. That's one of the things that my instructor Jaci (@ Sunnyside Herbal School) uses her Calendula tincture for. And...yes...it may sting but that means the germs are going bye-bye! Tinctures can last for years and years.

Onto the oil:used topically

Make the oil the same way you make the tincture but use dried flowers as you run the risk of mold again when you have moisture and oil together. I suppose I should say here that the way to properly dry Calendula flowers is to lay them face down on some sort of screen in a dry area out of the sun. With this particular flower, when you think they're completely dry, let them dry some more. The petals will dry first but that doesn't mean the whole flower is dry. I put my finger in the center and feel for any kind of "softness"...it should be crispy...and so should the green sepal. Anyway...back to the oil. Let the oil sit for several weeks. Strain, pour into glass jar, label. You will probably have some water in this first strain and that is bad. You will see the water at the bottom of the jar ( DON'T SHAKE!) What you can do is simply pour off the top(most of the oil but NOT the stuff at the bottom) into a new jar. You may have to do this more than once. The oil can be used externally on bruises, strains, sprains, etc.. It works much the same way that St.Johnswort oil and Arnica does but Arnica is not to be used on broken skin! I'm guessing you could use this on sore muscles and on your belly during "that time" too maybe.



You can also make a delicious tea to drink from fresh or dried flowers as well!


You should definitely check with your naturopath or physician if you are unsure about using Calendula..or other herbs. Calendula should not be used during pregnancy (it's an emmenogogue which means it increases menstrual flow) and it should not be used by individuals who are sensitive to plants in the asteraceae or daisy family.

Calendula is such a special flower! Just to look at it makes my heart happy and I think that's pretty magickal!

Oceans and Emotions

So, below is one of the "sacred advertisements" that Rob Breszny (again...my favorite astrologer Freewillastrology)attaches to the end of each of his horoscopes. I just read this this morning and I love his words.....so true.These last few days I've been feeling like I don't have a strong grasp on my emotions. Could it be years of emotional programming??? Or.....just PMS? Haha....probably both!

"SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
Oceans are not exactly teeming with life. In fact, they're mostly barren, and could rightly be called "wet deserts." Likewise, not all your emotions, even those that come in floods, are fertile. Some are automatic reactions that have discharged thousands of times since they were first programmed into you many years ago. They're often negative, and are not organic but mechanical, being inappropriate to the events that seem to stimulate them. They became fixtures when you were a very different person than you are now. Identify these."





This wasn't attached to my particular horoscope ( it was with Virgo...my husband's)but I really think we (especially us emotionally sensitive folk) can all relate.Especially during this last month. Venus has been up to something during her travels and I have to say that it has made me really uneasy.

I always read both my SUN and MOON sign horoscopes, which are Capricorn and Cancer respectively.To me, the MOON sign is as important...if not more,in my opinion, as it represents what you're feeling on the inside. The SUN relates more to what you are projecting to the world and/or how you deal with the outside world. I guess that's important too. If you are unsure of what your other signs are, you can look them up on astolabe It's free...you'll just need to know your place of birth and exact time of birth.

Have fun!

Some favorite words

NICE TO MEET YOU!

For my very first post, I'd like to share with you one poem and one quote...both very dear to my heart.

The first one is from Little Sermons of the Big Joy by James Broughton (Got this from my absolute favorite astrologist, Rob Breszny at www.freewillastrology.com)

I like this one because it's silly yet rings so true!


By the way...this naked man is James Broughton --->


"Lessen the doldrums of fellow bipeds.
Coax their spirits to busk and bounce.
Squeeze their Chakras!
Ungum their works.
Use any trick you know to redeem humanity
from impotent glum.
Inject with joy!
Inseminate with light
the wombs of mankind."


Isn't that great?! I love these words!


The second...a quote...from our friend Buddha:

"Believe nothing.
No matter where you read it
or who has said it.
Not even if I have said it.
Unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense."

(Probably the only words I would ever consider getting permanently inked on my body.)

I hope that these words are also meaningful to you! And from my heart to yours......may your day be blessed with magick and wonder!